It was a gloomy and rainy Friday afternoon. I stood next to my mother’s hospital bed, holding a pink blanket that was as light as a feather. Tears rushed down my face, just like my mother who was laying in bed. All you could hear was the sniffling of our noses as we tried to hold back our pain. I gave the precious blanket back to my mother and slowly sat on a chair across from her. All I was thinking about was why? Why us? Why her? Why me? At that time, I did not want to accept the fact that I had to continue to live my life as an only child. As my life carried on, I had to learn how to find the positive outcomes after my mother’s miscarriage.
The first month after my mother’s miscarriage, I realized she needed me more than ever. I helped her out a lot more than usual while also making sure that her mental state of mind was starting to accept what happened. During this time, she was visiting the hospital almost every other week due to depression from losing my baby sister. Because my mother was not home very often, my responsibilities and workload around the house increased quite a bit. The acts of kindness that I undertook for my mother, helped our relationship grow into the strong bond that is seen today.
The miscarriage of my sister took a big toll on me as well. It marks the point in time when my grades started to decline because I became depressed about what happened, just like my mother. It was not too long before my family noticed the difference in my grades. I did not want that trend to continue or have my grades disappoint my family. I told myself that I need to face the reality of what happened, and that there was nothing I could do other than focus on my education and assure myself that my family is safe and mentally stable.
The thought of moving on was hard for me to handle at first. The first week after the tragic death, I could barely rise out of my bed to go to school. However, I kept pushing myself to press on. It was all I felt I could accomplish at the time, besides helping out my mother. It took time, but a month later is when I completely accepted what happened. I got a call from my mother’s friend, asking me if I wanted to speak about the miscarriage and how it was affecting me. At first, I was hesitant to answer, but after I talked to my mother, we agreed that doing this would help us both mentally. After I spoke with a group of people that were my age or younger who had gone through the same tragic event as me, I realized that my motivation to succeed in school increased and that I possess the leadership and courage to help others.
Miscarriages are usually considered bad things, and most of the time they are. Even though my mother’s miscarriage is a bad thing that happened to my family, there is something positive I was able to take away from it. I realized that this tragedy brought me greater motivation to achieve my goals in life. It has also shown me that I am able to find the positive outcomes during a difficult time as long as I try my very best to do so. As time moves on in my life, I know that no matter what difficult situation I might face, I will face it resiliently.
